This all began around 2 weeks ago when Matthew & I were discussing how amazing I think the gravity hammer is. Only my brother and I could have a discussion about gravity hammers, honestly. how ridiculous are we? After this discussion, I agreed to play some Halo 3 with him. We started the story and I wasn't that interested in it.. It seemed like I needed to play the first two to understand WTF was happening, and I don't own an original xbox, and again, I don't care about the story that much. We played online and I remembered my insane love for 2 maps: Valhalla (one word BANSHEES) and "that map that's got a beach on it" (GHOSTS) after playing for a little while, we realized it was semi-hard to find matches, because not that many people were playing.. and it sparked his interest in Halo again. So naturally, he comes home the next day with Reach in hand.
This time, I decided I wanted to play through the story-mode, thinking it may help me in my online play.. and just playing FPS games in general. I tend to avoid them because "if i can't see my dude, I have a hard time." I'm getting better.. but I'm still in the horrible-tier of Halo players. So Matthew starts up a co-op game in normal. It was challenging at first.. again, i don't play FPS that often, so I'm not good at them. I will OWN you in Resident Evil 5, but please don't expect the same in Halo.. or COD.. or any FPS for that matter. We go through normal mode, finish in one night, I didn't do TOO terrible.. Although, I came to the realization that my bro is the biggest kill stealer in the entire world. Seriously. I couldn't even line up a shot without asshat stealing my thunder & I get the "assist" (which honestly just means "that guy stole your kill" lets be honest, Halo games.) Anyway, we finish the game up and I'm vaguely interested in the parts of the story that I paid attention too, however most of the time I spent saying "You lied to me" and various Caboose-y quotes.
Daniel wants to join in on the Halo action. We start up a co-op campaign in HEROIC mode. Which is really just veteran with a fancy title. WTG Halo. Proud of you. It was slightly harder, but still do-able. We had fun playing. I just would like to say, Daniel is a passive aggressive gamer. He is basically like that scene in Superbad when Michael Cera says "Why do they put that there if you can't get past it? That doesn't make sense?" It doesn't matter how many times he died, he was just like "well, that's kind of bullshit." which is the complete opposite of me.. who will go "YOU KNOW WHAT GAME? YOU MAY HAVE KILLED ME, BUT I HAVE THE POWER TO TURN YOU OFF. WHO IS WINNING NOW." or just throw my controller/ds in anger and go "you know what? fuck this game. i don't even feel like playing anymore. it isn't fun if they make it almost impossible."and yes. i say both of those things. outloud. I have no shame. I love saying that a game isn't fun if you can't beat it. like I expect to play on a ridiculous difficulty and just breeze through it. My logic is astounding.
Okay. so heroic is under my belt. I'm feeling like a champion. I decide to give Legendary a go. This time, SOLO. (yeah, I'm ridin' solo. ridin' solo. if you don't get that musical reference, be happy with your life.) I start up the first chapter.. & give it a whirl. this is when I came to the realization that I get so disoriented in games that I turn into a 5 year old lost in the grocery store. After blasting through a wave of enemies in a little town area.. the dude in the plane tells me to go east. At that point, i hadn't really discovered the compass, so I just wandered aimlessly around the map for a good 10 minutes. It was at this point that I realized that, unlike other games, Halo does not give you a "go this way retard" marker when you're lost for X amount of time. I actually walked all the way back to the beginning of the entire mission. I wish i was lying. At one point during this trek around the map I said (outloud) well... this rock sure seems familiar. and then I passed it again. Thank God they have somewhat of a run in this game. Although, every time I play I will inevitably throw a grenade instead of run. Don't ask me how or why. just accept the fact that I don't understand the 360 controllers. (I love the PS3 controller. I can't tell you how many times I will hit "a" instead of "x" or sit there dumbfounded when it says "press b") Everyone raves about the stupid controller being easier to hold than the PS3, but I find the opposite is true. I can hit every button on the PS3 controller no problem. But I'm a PS3 fangirl, and that's another story.
anyway. I took a break for a few days and crafted some. During this time, Matthew started and finished his solo legendary campaign. In between his ragequitting, we played a few matchmaking games & I earned myself the "first strike" achievement which I felt would be the most impossible of all the achievements. (True Story Bro: i was literally so excited that I got the achievement that I didn't see the dude with the sword right behind the guy i killed.. and then.. yeah, you guessed it. i died.)
So here I am tonight. i decide I'm going to continue my legendary solo campaign. Mind you, I have only completed one chapter. I pull up ONI Sword base and get ready to rumble. As I'm playing I'm feeling like a champion. I'm listening to shitty pop music, killing grunts going "OOPS I DID IT AGAIN." and enjoying my playthrough. not even those turtles could bring me down. Now comes the sad. i turned scoring on, not because I care about my score in campaign mode, but because I like that the score pops up when the enemy dies. this way, I know he's dead and he isn't going to sneak up and assassinate me. This ended up saving my entire evening. I completed the chapter, feeling like a boss, wondering why Matthew was so angry at the chapter. I'm going over my stats when i see it. normal. Yes. For whatever reason, my game decided to put me on normal difficulty. This just wave of unawesome flooded over my whole body when I realized I'd have to do it over.
So, like anyone would do.. i cursed a little then restarted the mission in legendary (professional.) It was just a gangbang massacre. I mean honestly. They really shouldn't call it legendary as much as "Retarded." And here is why. My ally AIs are the dumbest people on the planet. You start the mission with a few extra guys that will help clear out the grunts. Yeah. "clear out the grunts" which actually means.. get shot to death by a creature that looks like a Snorunt. i was not amused. the Spartans that CAN'T die, are completely useless. They have a 1% accuracy rating, and probably didn't kill anything on the entire map. So I found cover, pulled out my guns and just tried and tried. I finally figured out my strategy, hit them with a plasma pistol then switch guns - boom - headshot those giant predator looking things are now dead. The little red shield guys that run around? Oh I just want to curb stomp every single one. seriously. like they need a shield. Where's my shield? All I have is armor lock, and that's retarded. At least give me active camo.. or a jetpack.. or SOMETHING. SO. after taking about 30 concussion rifle shots to the head, I finally finish that section.
Next up? Blow up some purple tanks. (yeah, it was easy.) Then? OH THE OL' AI GETS TO DRIVE ME AROUND. Like.. okay. I have some trouble driving.. but this? this was just unbearable. You know that scene in Austin Powers where he gets stuck in between the two walls and keeps backing up and going forward? Yeah. that was my experience driving around with the AI. So. I hope OUT of the warthog and get into a good spot.. my thought was that the AI would either A. continue driving and distract the baddies, or at least shoot a few. did they? no. no they didn't. what did they do? They sat. right where I jumped out. so there are like, 4 of those Predator-looking things running around.. 2 of those guys that look like spacemen.. and then about a dozen Snorunts & those shitty little bad guys that want to give you a big ol' sticky grenade hug. i have about 30 bullets in my gun when suddenly I see the worst possible thing ever "Checkpoint."
So now I will restart behind a rock with 3 Predators running towards me.. right as the rest of the grunts are dropped off all around me.. along with 2 Ghosts.. as the Warthog and Kat sit there. just.. sittin. chillin. checking facebook maybe?
Who knows. Again, I was feeling like a champ after I had killed off the predators and only had those spacemen to worry about, when suddenly ghosts appear everywhere and plasma me to death. Normally, the ghost is only good as a mini-killdozer.. but for some reason when a grunt is driving, it becomes a little death machine all around. I AM NOT IMPRESSED WITH YOU RETARDED MODE.
I ended up ragequitting tonight. I will pick it up again, maybe tomorrow? It's Daniel's birthday, so I bought him Dragon Age 2, so he can play a game by himself for a little while. Like all gamers, he enjoys playing alone most of the time. Full screen all to himself. :D Hopefully it's as good as everyone says and he isn't disappointed with it. He enjoyed playing the first Dragon Age, and everyone has said that this one has only improved upon it. I may play it.. but only after Halo is finished. I have now made it my ultimate goal to finish this game on Retarded. Why? I dont really know. maybe its because I, too, am retarded.
At least my shirts came out looking gnarly. :D I am not drawing the UNSC logo again for a little while. It is annoying.
XOXO
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