i didnt forget that i had a blog..
i've just been really busy with work and stuff. retail is one of the most ridiculous places to work, especially during the holidays. everyone is so rude and grumpy.. but whatever.
nothing really to report on.
i think i'm going to quit my job soon. we're moving, and i want to get married and start a life with daniel <3. maybe once i get out of this job i can focus on my writing, and not have to worry so much.. i just hate not having any money at all.
i mean, not like "oh wah i have no money to shop." but more.. "i can only spend 30.00 on groceries for the month." LOL
luckily, we dont eat that much..
i am obsessed with Lady Gaga's song, Poker Face. am i late on this bandwagon? yes. do i care? no. i love getting into things late.. movies, music, whatever. the first time i listened to lady gaga was last month, so on christmas eve i decided to listen to all of her hits, and learn the words to her songs. [=
shes a nice pop fix. although, so is britney, bitch.
hopefully 2010 will be full of excitement.
i would make it a resolution to blog more, but i dont think anyone except for me reads this... but ill try to remind myself. now that we have a laptop, it will be easier for me to remember.
i have a new AIM:
sweetdizz@gmail.com
and im on windows live, whatever that is..
sweetdizz
because thats me.
now, if you'll excuse me, Beat It is playing, so i have to dance. [;
29.12.09
13.9.09
[not funny]
so i finally have a chance to sit and just type.
its been crazy at work! so much stuff to do, so little time and patience to do it in. one good thing in my life is that it is now football season, so now im pretty stoked for that. [=
in other news, not much is going on except for the random annoyances of every day life. work work work thats all i do ever.
i've been doing the same job for 5 years and nothing ever changes. the people change, but the attitudes and the drama is still the same. its all double crossing, backstabbing, and drama. its more drama than i had in high school. it can be so draining.
vultures swoop in and pick the carcass clean.
it becomes so tiring to have to deal with this constantly.
drama in my personal life?
not really. mean little girls that say mean things. mean girls that think they have a tough life when in reality they have no idea what they're talking about.
i hate everyone. i really do. im so sick of people its not even funny. i want to move to a small island and write all day. thats all i really want to do.. write.
i just get so tired of little girls.. if you dont like someone.. or dont want to have anything to do with someone, then why even bother with that person?
here. allow me to be personal.
i dont like to get too personal, but i guess i will. there is a person that i am genetically connected to for EVER, that will have no part in my life. is that painful for me? it used to be. im okay with it now. i know that one day i will get married [hopefully soon if we can save up the money.] and one day i will have kids and etc, and he will have no part in it. and one day he will be all alone and old, and have nobody to take care of him. which is sad for me to know. because one day karma will come back on him. tenfold.
i know what it means to have a parent that is evil. i know what it feels like to be cut down and made to feel like an invalid. i hate when people say they have such terrible parents, when in reality.. they have no idea.
really? does your dad still call you? invite you out? ask to meet your boyfriend of the minute? text message you? tell you that he LOVES YOU
yes.
when was the last time i spoke to "that guy"? oh, i dont know 2 years ago ? a year ago ? i dont even remember. i think it was 2 years ago. long enough to be told what a bad person i am or whatever. and then in the same breath tell me that everything is all in my head. and that im the crazy one.
oh, i'm not the crazy one.
when was the last time i SAW "that guy?" i dont know, 4 years ago? would he even recognize me if he saw me? nah. probably not. is that sad for me? well, not really i dont care anymore.
does this all sound contradictory? if you dont care why are you writing about it? blah blah blah blah
i dont care, thats why i can write about it. when i did care, i didnt talk about it. i know. you dont know. period.
i know what it feels like to give 1,000% of myself to school and dedicate all my time to studying and excelling in school only to hear that im not trying hard enough. not to hear that hes proud of what i've accomplished.
not to be proud of the fact that im not freeloading off of my parents. living at home doing nothing. i've had the same job for 5 years.. i make my own living and im pretty self sufficient. all of these are things to be proud of.
i dont drink, i dont do drugs, im not a stripper, i dont go out and have sex with random guys, i dont have any illegitimate children. i dont party. i am not an embarassment to my family.
and i have a firm grasp on the english language.
and yet, its still not good enough. it is never good enough. and i have quit trying to live up to impossible standards that will never be good enough. i am good enough on my own and i know it.
which leads me to this. some people have no idea what it means to have a shitty parent. are their people worse off than i am? of COURSE! i have a fantastic mother and papa bear. i love them both VERY much. what is especially amazing to me is the fact that a man who has known me for i guess 2 years..? (papa bear) treats me like i am his daughter. [= so i have all the parents i need now.
would i welcome a relationship with "that guy" ? i dont even know anymore. before i would have been happy. but ive been burned too many times. i could be civil. i could be nice. but unfortunately, he has chosen his path. he has chosen his non-biological children &/or his wife over me.
but its all good now. the loss of Jerry 4 years ago left me very broken. i was very sad that i didn't have a dad. he passed away and i thought that i would never have a dad.
fortunately, Tom has always treated me like i was his daughter. [= so i know that i will always have a dad in him.
the point im trying to make is that, i dont like when people think they understand. people think they get it. people think that they're on top of the game. do some research.
my opinions on "that guy" were formed based upon what i grew up with.. what i have seen what i have heard. period. dont think you know everything based upon what someone else says. you'll never know.
especially when they reach out to you and want to be a part of your life. grow up little girls. grow up. you have no idea what it means to have a parent that hates you. a parent that wants nothing to do with you. an absentee parent. you have no fucking idea. i dont know why anyone would pretend to have such a bad life? why anyone would reject a parent that is trying to be a part of their life? i dont know. maybe its just fun to create drama in your own life. maybe it makes you feel special. maybe its the attention.
attention whores. thats all it is. period.
you dont know what it means to have a parent that is repulsed by you. to have a parent that wants NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. period.
so tell me little girl, when you walk in a room.. does your dad know who you are?
XOXO
DiZZ
its been crazy at work! so much stuff to do, so little time and patience to do it in. one good thing in my life is that it is now football season, so now im pretty stoked for that. [=
in other news, not much is going on except for the random annoyances of every day life. work work work thats all i do ever.
i've been doing the same job for 5 years and nothing ever changes. the people change, but the attitudes and the drama is still the same. its all double crossing, backstabbing, and drama. its more drama than i had in high school. it can be so draining.
vultures swoop in and pick the carcass clean.
it becomes so tiring to have to deal with this constantly.
drama in my personal life?
not really. mean little girls that say mean things. mean girls that think they have a tough life when in reality they have no idea what they're talking about.
i hate everyone. i really do. im so sick of people its not even funny. i want to move to a small island and write all day. thats all i really want to do.. write.
i just get so tired of little girls.. if you dont like someone.. or dont want to have anything to do with someone, then why even bother with that person?
here. allow me to be personal.
i dont like to get too personal, but i guess i will. there is a person that i am genetically connected to for EVER, that will have no part in my life. is that painful for me? it used to be. im okay with it now. i know that one day i will get married [hopefully soon if we can save up the money.] and one day i will have kids and etc, and he will have no part in it. and one day he will be all alone and old, and have nobody to take care of him. which is sad for me to know. because one day karma will come back on him. tenfold.
i know what it means to have a parent that is evil. i know what it feels like to be cut down and made to feel like an invalid. i hate when people say they have such terrible parents, when in reality.. they have no idea.
really? does your dad still call you? invite you out? ask to meet your boyfriend of the minute? text message you? tell you that he LOVES YOU
yes.
when was the last time i spoke to "that guy"? oh, i dont know 2 years ago ? a year ago ? i dont even remember. i think it was 2 years ago. long enough to be told what a bad person i am or whatever. and then in the same breath tell me that everything is all in my head. and that im the crazy one.
oh, i'm not the crazy one.
when was the last time i SAW "that guy?" i dont know, 4 years ago? would he even recognize me if he saw me? nah. probably not. is that sad for me? well, not really i dont care anymore.
does this all sound contradictory? if you dont care why are you writing about it? blah blah blah blah
i dont care, thats why i can write about it. when i did care, i didnt talk about it. i know. you dont know. period.
i know what it feels like to give 1,000% of myself to school and dedicate all my time to studying and excelling in school only to hear that im not trying hard enough. not to hear that hes proud of what i've accomplished.
not to be proud of the fact that im not freeloading off of my parents. living at home doing nothing. i've had the same job for 5 years.. i make my own living and im pretty self sufficient. all of these are things to be proud of.
i dont drink, i dont do drugs, im not a stripper, i dont go out and have sex with random guys, i dont have any illegitimate children. i dont party. i am not an embarassment to my family.
and i have a firm grasp on the english language.
and yet, its still not good enough. it is never good enough. and i have quit trying to live up to impossible standards that will never be good enough. i am good enough on my own and i know it.
which leads me to this. some people have no idea what it means to have a shitty parent. are their people worse off than i am? of COURSE! i have a fantastic mother and papa bear. i love them both VERY much. what is especially amazing to me is the fact that a man who has known me for i guess 2 years..? (papa bear) treats me like i am his daughter. [= so i have all the parents i need now.
would i welcome a relationship with "that guy" ? i dont even know anymore. before i would have been happy. but ive been burned too many times. i could be civil. i could be nice. but unfortunately, he has chosen his path. he has chosen his non-biological children &/or his wife over me.
but its all good now. the loss of Jerry 4 years ago left me very broken. i was very sad that i didn't have a dad. he passed away and i thought that i would never have a dad.
fortunately, Tom has always treated me like i was his daughter. [= so i know that i will always have a dad in him.
the point im trying to make is that, i dont like when people think they understand. people think they get it. people think that they're on top of the game. do some research.
my opinions on "that guy" were formed based upon what i grew up with.. what i have seen what i have heard. period. dont think you know everything based upon what someone else says. you'll never know.
especially when they reach out to you and want to be a part of your life. grow up little girls. grow up. you have no idea what it means to have a parent that hates you. a parent that wants nothing to do with you. an absentee parent. you have no fucking idea. i dont know why anyone would pretend to have such a bad life? why anyone would reject a parent that is trying to be a part of their life? i dont know. maybe its just fun to create drama in your own life. maybe it makes you feel special. maybe its the attention.
attention whores. thats all it is. period.
you dont know what it means to have a parent that is repulsed by you. to have a parent that wants NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. period.
so tell me little girl, when you walk in a room.. does your dad know who you are?
XOXO
DiZZ
25.8.09
well, well, well.
so i've decided that i am going to move on from my lame little blog at myspace, and move up to blogspot. i promise, it will be just as lame as before.
i guess i'll open with lyrics.
what can i say about me? about my life? why am i blogging?
because i like to write down my feelings and my thoughts and my random complaints. maybe it will make someone else laugh.. or maybe someone can learn something.. or maybe nobody will care. any way you take it, i dont really care.
i used to blog constantly @ pitas.. and then lost it for xanga.. then myspace.. so now i think i'll go back to just having a random blog that people probably wont read, but i know i can go back and read it and think about all the crazy stupid thoughts i had. its all good in this hood. [=
anyway. back to nothing.
i have just finished a 3 day video game binge. lovingly dubbed "throwback days" by my fiance, Daniel. yes. for three days i have played [not non-stop, i have a job.] Super Mario RPG. did i beat it? yes. was it easier than i remember it being when i was a kid? yes.
especially the axem rangers. hello. i know that anyone that remembers that game knows exactly what i'm talking about. those 5 stupid power ranger knockoffs were much harder when i was 10. maybe its because at 23 i have learned that your ultimate SMRPG party is : Mario, Princess, & Bowser.. not Mario, Geno, & Bowser plus 5000 pick me ups and mushrooms.
sorry 10 year old me, this is one game you lose for sure.
23 year old me was able to stay up all night to beat it.. AND drink hawaiian punch & eat reece's cups. [= best 3 nights ever.
to finish off, because i have been full of rage for like, 2 weeks, i decided to try my hand at some Wii Boxing. at 500 in the morning. after staying up the ENTIRE NIGHT sitting on my ass playing super mario RPG eating the aforementioned reece's and drinking HP.
i now have a hurt elbow.. however, i did kick ryans ass.
Wii Sports is not a fun game overall. especially if you're by yourself. i take that back. its not fun ever. you know what, i retract that as well.
Wii Sports is not fun for me. Why? [WHAT WII SPORTS IS SO AWESOME AND IT COMES WITH THE WII SO YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO BUY IT?! -- see? i know what you're thinking.]
there are MANY reasons wii sports is not fun. lets go down the list.
Everyone I know is hyper competitive [including me. and especially my mom.] we're not happy people to be around when we're losing. especially if we're swinging "wii-motes" all over the place. one of them MIGHT end up across your face. [totally by accident.....] Do we take the fun out of the game? no. because people that are not competitive are lame. [sorry. lol] its no fun to sit around and hope everyone wins. everyone can't win. its a fact of life. that being said. i hate how competitive everyone i know is, because i NEVER WIN. i hate losing, with a passion. honestly, anyone who has seen me lose has seen me throw something [hello, what did i say about the "wii-mote" danger?] or say "you know what? fine i dont even want to play anymore." [or even more epic "its just a game, calm down guys stop acting so competitive."] uh huh. nice cover by me.
I dont think that wii sports is a game meant to be played by yourself [me, specifically.] i am not an athlete. at all. period. and thanks to wii sports, i know that i am not a wii-athlete either. how many "spares" did i pick up? 4. i didnt even get a medal. did i do well at tennis? yeah.. after a HALF AN HOUR of trying to return balls from my stupid AI that was not serving properly. can i hit a target? no. how many home runs did i hit? 2. how many strikeouts did i get? too many. how well did i do at golf? apparently that ball i can homerun no prob. [hit it on the green? no. out of the park? yeah.]
i did the "find out your wii-fitness age" and i am FIFTY-FOUR. note: i am TWENTY-THREE. so now my wii thinks that i am lying about what my Mii looks like, AND that i am a terrible athlete.
all of this playing wii sports alone left me muttering to myself [yes, i was. and no, im not embarassed by it.] everytime i would miss the ball or eff up somehow i would just stand there and go "its okay mindy, you'll get it the next time. you will"
and then came Wii Boxing. i asked my mom earlier if she has ever played it.. she said "no, i dont like it." and i said "its really nice if you're angry at something." now, i have been full of rage for like.. two weeks, so i figured Wii Boxing would be great. i began with training. [note: "training" does not explain how to actually play.] so first up was bag punching. i annihilated like 9 bags, and found out that wasnt even enough for a medal. then i tried "hitting the target" or whatever and ended up beating the crap out of my trainer.. since you cant get a NEGATIVE SCORE [which i would have had..] i ended up with solid 0s across the board on this one .. i did this for maybe 5 minutes before saying "he deserved it." and ohhhhh did he take it out on me. round three. trainer pelts Mii with balls... i have to dodge and move around and crap.. i tried punching them, moving the controllers.. finally i had to dance around my living room like Rocky. [MUMBLING TO MYSELF. "you got this mindy, you got it. you can do it. dodge them. you got it." etc.]
finally i decided, fuck it im going to just battle the random AI in wii boxing.
Round One: Ryan
DING DING
the wii explains how to play [note: this is after my trainer beat down session, and i have no idea how to bob and weave..]
i beat the crap out of him.. doing random ju-jitzu.. who knows what the hell i was doing. thrusting my arms forward, backward, & sideways..
[still mumbling to myself: "thats right ryan i've got you now." "i will eat your babies!" <--Sunny LOL and various cursing because i dont understand the controls.]
and i accomplished nothing. i knocked out ryan twice.. and he got back up, so apparently i didnt do that great of a job.. but the judges [??] voted me the winner and champion of that round.
i decided to retire on a high note [take note brett favre.]
at least when someone asks if i've done anything lately i can tell them that i not only saved mario land from an evil santa claus/robot monster who is trying to steal our wishes... but i also beat up a guy named Ryan. and then was defeated by Tennis, Bowling, Golf, and Baseball.
so now i have a hurting elbow, and i am more angry than i was before.. because i was defeated by wii training.
there's always later on.... ah Ryan, i look forward to round 2.
xoxo
i guess i'll open with lyrics.
I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you...
I can read your mind
I am the maker
of rules
Dealing with foolsI can cheat you blind
And I dont need to see any more
To know that
I can read your mind
what can i say about me? about my life? why am i blogging?
because i like to write down my feelings and my thoughts and my random complaints. maybe it will make someone else laugh.. or maybe someone can learn something.. or maybe nobody will care. any way you take it, i dont really care.
i used to blog constantly @ pitas.. and then lost it for xanga.. then myspace.. so now i think i'll go back to just having a random blog that people probably wont read, but i know i can go back and read it and think about all the crazy stupid thoughts i had. its all good in this hood. [=
anyway. back to nothing.
i have just finished a 3 day video game binge. lovingly dubbed "throwback days" by my fiance, Daniel. yes. for three days i have played [not non-stop, i have a job.] Super Mario RPG. did i beat it? yes. was it easier than i remember it being when i was a kid? yes.
especially the axem rangers. hello. i know that anyone that remembers that game knows exactly what i'm talking about. those 5 stupid power ranger knockoffs were much harder when i was 10. maybe its because at 23 i have learned that your ultimate SMRPG party is : Mario, Princess, & Bowser.. not Mario, Geno, & Bowser plus 5000 pick me ups and mushrooms.
sorry 10 year old me, this is one game you lose for sure.
23 year old me was able to stay up all night to beat it.. AND drink hawaiian punch & eat reece's cups. [= best 3 nights ever.
to finish off, because i have been full of rage for like, 2 weeks, i decided to try my hand at some Wii Boxing. at 500 in the morning. after staying up the ENTIRE NIGHT sitting on my ass playing super mario RPG eating the aforementioned reece's and drinking HP.
i now have a hurt elbow.. however, i did kick ryans ass.
Wii Sports is not fun for me. Why? [WHAT WII SPORTS IS SO AWESOME AND IT COMES WITH THE WII SO YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO BUY IT?! -- see? i know what you're thinking.]
there are MANY reasons wii sports is not fun. lets go down the list.
Everyone I know is hyper competitive [including me. and especially my mom.] we're not happy people to be around when we're losing. especially if we're swinging "wii-motes" all over the place. one of them MIGHT end up across your face. [totally by accident.....] Do we take the fun out of the game? no. because people that are not competitive are lame. [sorry. lol] its no fun to sit around and hope everyone wins. everyone can't win. its a fact of life. that being said. i hate how competitive everyone i know is, because i NEVER WIN. i hate losing, with a passion. honestly, anyone who has seen me lose has seen me throw something [hello, what did i say about the "wii-mote" danger?] or say "you know what? fine i dont even want to play anymore." [or even more epic "its just a game, calm down guys stop acting so competitive."] uh huh. nice cover by me.
I dont think that wii sports is a game meant to be played by yourself [me, specifically.] i am not an athlete. at all. period. and thanks to wii sports, i know that i am not a wii-athlete either. how many "spares" did i pick up? 4. i didnt even get a medal. did i do well at tennis? yeah.. after a HALF AN HOUR of trying to return balls from my stupid AI that was not serving properly. can i hit a target? no. how many home runs did i hit? 2. how many strikeouts did i get? too many. how well did i do at golf? apparently that ball i can homerun no prob. [hit it on the green? no. out of the park? yeah.]
i did the "find out your wii-fitness age" and i am FIFTY-FOUR. note: i am TWENTY-THREE. so now my wii thinks that i am lying about what my Mii looks like, AND that i am a terrible athlete.
all of this playing wii sports alone left me muttering to myself [yes, i was. and no, im not embarassed by it.] everytime i would miss the ball or eff up somehow i would just stand there and go "its okay mindy, you'll get it the next time. you will"
and then came Wii Boxing. i asked my mom earlier if she has ever played it.. she said "no, i dont like it." and i said "its really nice if you're angry at something." now, i have been full of rage for like.. two weeks, so i figured Wii Boxing would be great. i began with training. [note: "training" does not explain how to actually play.] so first up was bag punching. i annihilated like 9 bags, and found out that wasnt even enough for a medal. then i tried "hitting the target" or whatever and ended up beating the crap out of my trainer.. since you cant get a NEGATIVE SCORE [which i would have had..] i ended up with solid 0s across the board on this one .. i did this for maybe 5 minutes before saying "he deserved it." and ohhhhh did he take it out on me. round three. trainer pelts Mii with balls... i have to dodge and move around and crap.. i tried punching them, moving the controllers.. finally i had to dance around my living room like Rocky. [MUMBLING TO MYSELF. "you got this mindy, you got it. you can do it. dodge them. you got it." etc.]
finally i decided, fuck it im going to just battle the random AI in wii boxing.
Round One: Ryan
DING DING
the wii explains how to play [note: this is after my trainer beat down session, and i have no idea how to bob and weave..]
i beat the crap out of him.. doing random ju-jitzu.. who knows what the hell i was doing. thrusting my arms forward, backward, & sideways..
[still mumbling to myself: "thats right ryan i've got you now." "i will eat your babies!" <--Sunny LOL and various cursing because i dont understand the controls.]
and i accomplished nothing. i knocked out ryan twice.. and he got back up, so apparently i didnt do that great of a job.. but the judges [??] voted me the winner and champion of that round.
i decided to retire on a high note [take note brett favre.]
at least when someone asks if i've done anything lately i can tell them that i not only saved mario land from an evil santa claus/robot monster who is trying to steal our wishes... but i also beat up a guy named Ryan. and then was defeated by Tennis, Bowling, Golf, and Baseball.
so now i have a hurting elbow, and i am more angry than i was before.. because i was defeated by wii training.
there's always later on.... ah Ryan, i look forward to round 2.
xoxo
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